Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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