Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
