while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
