I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This baby is an asshole
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
