What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
