If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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