So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
