Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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