My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
