i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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