Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
