his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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