I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize