He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
