Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
