come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
