hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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