So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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