I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
