Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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