his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
