ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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