Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
