she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
