her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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