there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
