somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the condom got lost in my hair
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
