Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
