i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
