I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
