He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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