The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
