I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
