don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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