Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize