I heard we made out
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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