She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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