You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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