Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
