id be glad to
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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