so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
