I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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