isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize