never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
