thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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