I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
