My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just pee around me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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