the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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