Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
