You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
