I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize