I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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