Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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