dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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