My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
