mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
