I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Acid is not a monday night drug
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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