I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
