yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
soo... how was my night?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
