do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
