my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
