How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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