I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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