I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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