Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
