I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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